May 14, 2015

"Where's Cooper?"

I’m sobbing right now. I can’t even summarize how this video makes me feel. I’m not there in the journey yet.

Every morning Sawyer wakes up and says, ‘Where’s Cooper?” He genuinely cares and wants to see his brother. And my heart hurts every single time because I don’t believe Cooper knows he has a brother. Cooper wouldn’t notice if Sawyer was gone. He wouldn’t question it even in a nonverbal way.

I was gone for 5 days last week and got home late on Friday night. When Cooper woke up at 5:45 am I jumped out of bed to greet him. He wasn’t surprised to see me. It was just like…’oh, hello.’ That one stung.

I want this kind of love and understanding for my boys. It’s amazing.

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Kate Swenson

Kate Swenson lives in Minnesota with her husband Jamie, and four children, Cooper, Sawyer, Harbor and Wynnie. Kate launched Finding Cooper's Voice from her couch while her now 11-year-old son Cooper was being diagnosed with autism. Back then it was a place to write. Today it is a living, thriving community of people who want to not only advocate for autism, but also make the world a better place for individuals with disabilities and their families. Her first book, Forever Boy, will be released, April 5, 2022.

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8 Comments

  1. hbritz on May 14, 2015 at 3:44 pm

    As a mom, my heart hurts for you. We want for our babies, especially when they don’t know what they need to walk through this world, but we do… that’s why it hurts us more deeply. As a speech therapist, I want to share one of my favorite memories of one of my first little boys with ASD years ago. He was minimally verbal, and had a cute little brother who was VERY verbal and adored him. My little guy lit up when he realized if he pointed to the closet and told his little brother “IN” that his little brother would do it! He smiled broadly as he shut the door on his little brother (who thought it was funny) over and over again- it was a great game and a way that they bonded that summer. It doesn’t have to be typical to be communication and love 🙂



  2. Ain't No Shrinking Violet on May 15, 2015 at 4:15 am

    Oh hun…have a big hug. It’s all very, very hard, isn’t it?



  3. sheilatufano on May 15, 2015 at 4:33 am

    Wow. I cried through the whole thing. As Sawyer gets older, I would encourage him to keep putting in the effort with Cooper and never give up on him. Cooper will one day accept his love. I know he will.



    • Avatar photo findingcoopersvoice on May 15, 2015 at 2:31 pm

      I cried the whole thing too!!!



  4. journey2dfuture on May 15, 2015 at 5:49 am

    It will take time. What a wonderful video it just goes to show don’t give up on the child at any age x



  5. Dina on May 15, 2015 at 4:56 pm

    It was really a lovely video. At the risk of sounding like a bumper sticker, I think it behooves all of us to remember that we *don’t know.* You *think* Cooper wasn’t happy/surprised to see you because he didn’t demonstrate it an any way that we are all accustomed to seeing. But his brain is different from yours. He may have been overflowing with joy, he may have been seeing fireworks and flowers and rainbows. He may have been singing a happy song in his head. And there may have been ZERO indication of any of this. But we non-autistics can’t know what is happening in his brain at that moment. And that may change, for sure. But I, for one, feel confident that your boy was thrilled.



    • Avatar photo findingcoopersvoice on May 15, 2015 at 5:04 pm

      Love!!!!



    • Avatar photo findingcoopersvoice on May 15, 2015 at 5:04 pm

      And thank you!!