Wishing Your Life Away

As I was getting dressed for work this morning I tried on 6 or 7 shirts, two pairs of pants and multiple sweaters. And no, it’s not that I LOVE my fashionable clothes. It’s the opposite. I am still working on losing this last 10 pounds of baby weight that feels the need to stick around and NOTHING fits me right. And there is nothing I hate more than being uncomfortable at work.

I keep telling myself that I will buy new clothes once I get to my ‘goal’ weight. And until then I will have to just suck it up (literally) and squeeze my ass into my clothes. How silly of me. I dread getting dressed in the morning. Talk about adding negative energy into your life.

And then I realized I live in the future in more ways than one. It was an ah-ha moment. I spend my time wishing for summer, having more money and looking much more fabulous than I do now. I am a dreamer I guess!

And the biggie…I live in the future with Cooper’s delays and I am willing myself to stop. It’s just silly.

But if you asked my logical side right now, this second, if I would jump ahead 2 years I would say YES. I would grab it in a hot minute.

The weekend was tough. The whining was at an all time high. We are trapped in our house because of the snow and we are all sick. So, I have HIGH hopes that in 2 years Cooper will be talking. I know he won’t be cured but he will be talking. He will tell me that he loves me.  And that sounds pretty dang great. And lastly, in 2 years it will be easier. I just know it.

But, then my emotional side takes over. I think of all of the kisses I would miss. All of the snuggles and the laughs. How could I wish that time away. They are babies for a second.

My husband and I brought the boys to the mall on Friday night to walk around. Yes, our cabin fever is that bad. Cooper was riding in the stroller and he HAD to hold my hand. Oh my gosh it was the sweetest thing I have ever experienced. He’d laugh and point to something and tug on my hand to get my attention. After a while my arm started to get tired and I told him he could hold Sawyer’s hand. (Have you ever tried to hold the hand of squirmy 13 month old?) Cooper was sitting behind Sawyer in the double stroller and he was damn committed to holding that babies hand. They wrestled for 5 full minutes. It was cuteness overload.

So, I ask you, how can I even consider wishing those moments away? All for my peace of mind? Does that make me selfish?

I hope not. I hope it makes me human.