Tell Me This Is Going To Be Okay?

At so many times during this journey with Cooper I have wanted someone to tell me what to do. Tell me if I am doing the right thing. Am I giving Cooper the best medical care? Should I be doing more? Why is it so hard to raise him? Why is he so difficult? Will he ever talk? Will he ever be able to say Mom? Or I love you?

Being a mom is the hardest thing I have ever done. I am completely and utterly responsible for this little person. I need to fight for him and care for him. I need to love him and nurture him.  If I won’t advocate for him…who will.

I can remember a time when we brought Cooper to a family wedding. During the ceremony Cooper had an utter meltdown. My husband and I took Cooper down to the basement of the church so he could walk around. He was whining and crabby and couldn’t sit still. I looked around at the guests, my friends and family, sitting there enjoying the wedding. They had babies and toddlers and kids and teens. Why did my kid have to be like this. When we got to the basement I broke down crying. I was so defeated. I actually got down on my knees and prayed to God to make it easier. Silly…I know. I was just so worn down that he couldn’t be a normal boy.

I looked at Jamie and said, “please tell me we are going to get through this? I’m not strong enough. It’s going to be okay, right?” He laughed and said, “what choice do we have Kate. This is our kid. We have to get through this. This is our life.”