Posts Tagged ‘exclusion’
There is No Summer Vacation for Working Autism Parents
February is over and the pressure is on. What are we going to do with our daughter Ally this summer—the void of endless time and childcare needs? Ally is on the autism spectrum and will be 6-years-old this summer. The part of parenting I never expected to hate the most is summer. I always imagined we would plan trips, go on adventures, and spend a few weeks together each year making memories, the way families should. But for our family, there are no vacations and trips as we juggle to…
Read MoreWhen the Birthday Invites Stop
Every time I see a mama happy and hopeful because their kid was invited to a birthday party it floods me with memories. And I want to tell them to enjoy them now because the invitations will stop. Kya was invited to every single birthday party in kindergarten. Birthday parties were incredibly stressful. And I went over the top on her parties. I thought if I made them amazing then maybe the kids would include her. I spent $1500 on her 5th Birthday and that was ridiculous. I realized I…
Read MoreWe Don’t Blend In
We don’t blend in, this kid and me. Not that we ever did, but I’ll admit when he was smaller it was easier. We got by with the graces people bestow on toddlers and energetic kindergarteners. But 9. Well, 9 is a whole different story. Nine is four feet, four inches tall. Nine is feet almost as big as mine. Nine is big and loud and noticeable. I used to care a lot when people stared at my son. At us. I would start to sweat and my face would…
Read MoreIt Was Against the Health Policy
Today, we went to the library. It’s the same library I used to visit as a child. I’ve taken the boys several times in the hope of instilling a love of reading. Milo, my eight-year-old son with autism, was having a difficult time — nothing new — but I was taking care of things. I sat with him at a table in a corner of the children’s section while my six-year-old son, Linus, selected books nearby. Just seconds after I snapped this picture, a librarian approached us. I looked up…
Read MoreShe’s Just a Kid who Never Learned to Discriminate
An elementary school friend of mine has a daughter not much younger than my own. These days, we only connected through social media and a shared love of our small hometown memories. My daughter had a major speech delay; so did hers. We bonded over the similarities. Her daughter Harper was diagnosed with autism; with a lot of speech therapy–my kid learned to form words. When Kate was old enough to learn about autism, we started discussing it. I mean, we started discussing it before three. She asked all…
Read MoreThe First Person Who Said It
As goes the public domain of the internet, all bloggers get trolls on their pages. I handle them by deleting their posts and shutting them down. I deleted four comments this week because I’m too busy to engage with people who can’t be reached. I want to be here for all of the moms who have emailed me and reached out to tell me how my story has helped them. This leads me to why I share our story. Why do I expose myself to the crazies of the internet? …
Read MoreWe won’t be Silenced
Severe autism, level 3 was my son’s first diagnosis. But I’m not supposed to talk about it. Severe learning/intellectual disability was my son’s second diagnosis, I’m allowed to talk about this one. Most children with this level of autism have very complex issues and learning disabilities. You can talk freely about most disabilities and special needs without being shamed. Autism is not one of them. Some severely autistic children will live at home forever, or in a residential home. Some severely autistic children will still need help with all of…
Read MoreI’m the Mom without a Bestfriend
I’m the mom without a bestfriend. I’m the mom without a tribe. I’m the mom without a village. I’m the mom who doesn’t get invited to birthdays, baby showers, weddings, mom’s night out. I’m the mom that doesn’t have a person. I’m the mom who spends weeks at a time never seeing another human being besides her kids and husband. I’m the mom that doesn’t get included. I’m the mom that doesn’t have someone to make sure I’m still hanging on. I’m the mom on the outside looking in. I’m…
Read MoreWe Aren’t Excluded but we Aren’t Exactly Included Either
I was talking with a friend the other day. I was telling her how summers can be so hard on our family. In a way, part of me actually dreads them. Our friends, family and neighbors are so busy. We hear about it. We see it on Facebook. Pictures. Stories. They are traveling to Disney. Going to summer festivals. Grabbing candy at parades. Attending baseball games. Going for bike rides. Visiting the latest waterpark. On Facebook it seems so effortless. And while I know that everyone has struggles, I’m not…
Read MoreJust See Him and Say Hello
I’ve learned so many things on this journey of parenting a child with autism. I’ve learned that many people get scared of the word autism. I’ve learned that some people think my son is deaf because he’s nonverbal. Or that he can’t answer questions. I’ve watched people get nervous by flapping or his unique sounds. Or by his silence. I’ve watched people completely ignore him. Or they ask me questions for him. ‘Is he hungry?’ Which I respond with, ‘Let’s ask him.’ These aren’t bad people. They aren’t mean. Usually…
Read More