They Don’t Need Words

These two had it out last night. Like brothers have been known to do. It was over an iPad. There was a truck involved too. Lots of screaming and wrestling. They were eventually separated. One was put in the bath and told me the whole story, nonverbally of course. He asked for hugs and kisses as his alligator tears filled the tub. The other one, the tough guy, he didn’t need a hug or a kiss. But he did tell, and by that I mean yell, his side of the…

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Because of Her, He’s a Better Man

My Dad isn’t who he used to be. When my daughter Evie came along, he changed. As if by magic, he started to notice things he hadn’t noticed before. He began to see the things he HAD noticed a little bit differently, too. He was the first person to form a special connection with Evie aside from her Dad and I. It was obvious to my parents when Evie was just a few months old that something was different about her. She wasn’t like other babies they had experienced. She…

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How am I Supposed to not Miss Him

I brought my son Sawyer to skate night last night. A school event at a local roller skating rink. There was pizza and music and arcade games. Kindergarten through fifth grade. Families. Siblings. So many kids. I laced up his roller blades and watched him be a little boy. Skating way too fast. Being silly. Telling stories. Playfully pushing friends. Dancing. Doing the limbo. He has a social life. Friends. He’s growing up. As I sat there watching, holding my baby tight, I was suddenly overwhelmed by all the feelings…

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Control What You can Control

I had the honor of speaking to a room full of mothers a few weekends ago. To say it was a group of amazing women is an understatement. These moms are strong, resilient, brave, kind, and have the ability to find humor and joy even on their darkest days. They are no stranger to disability. Or stepping into the role of nurse/therapist/teacher. And driving to and from therapy centers. Living in waiting rooms. Children’s Hospital. And living on hope. They became advocates simply by giving birth. They inspire me. These…

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I Just Live It

We were sitting with the realtor about to discuss what we were looking for in a new home. I know she wanted to know about bedrooms and bathrooms and location. I didn’t care about that stuff. Not really. In the grand scheme of things that stuff wasn’t a priority. “We can’t be near a busy road. The house has to have a fence or the ability to add one BEFORE we move in. And most importantly, we cannot, under any circumstances, be near water. Non negotiable. I worry about windows…

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Never Count These Kids Out

When covid hit, much like everyone else, our world was turned upside down. Schools closed. Jobs moved in-house. Daycare paused. We hunkered down. We all became overly familiar with Zoom. Parents began to hate snack requests. We rationed toilet paper. And one other thing happened for us. One that I would have never in all my years thought could have happened. Our mental health services for our son Cooper stopped cold. The place that never closed. Never took a sick day. Acknowledged as few holidays as possible…shut down. And to…

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Sawyer, You are the Best Brother

Dear Sawyer, You are eight and I am writing down the stories I want to share with you when you are a grown man. So you know about our secret world. Last night I went to your bedroom to tuck you in but you weren’t there. So, I made my way to your older brother Cooper’s room and saw you holding him. It brought tears to my eyes. The protective way you were holding him was beautiful. He’s been driving you bonkers lately. He has this desire to be near…

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Dora

Let me show you the beauty of my son’s world. And how my perspective has greatly changed over the years. A few days ago, Cooper, who is 10, began showing me a still frame of Dora the Explorer on his iPad. Dora happened to be wearing a purple pirate outfit. She was with her crew on a boat. They were making their way to Mermaid Rock. He has showed me Dora and her purple outfit at least a hundred times. Cooper also happens to be nonverbal. Meaning, he can’t necessarily…

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His Magical World

One of the things I hear the most often from parents of newly diagnosed children is…I can’t figure out how to get my child to play with me. Or, I can’t find an activity for us to do together. This is coming from moms and dads who are trying so hard. They are desperate to get inside. But they don’t know how. Not yet anyways. Boy does that resonate with me. I was that mom years ago. My son wouldn’t play with me. In fact, he didn’t play at all.…

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He is Home to Me

My middle son has been having some big feelings lately. He is 8 years old and sandwiched in between two very big personalities. I think sometimes it can be lonely to be the easy one. His dad and I are working for hard to make sure he knows how magnificent and treasured he is. Last night a movie on the couch with popcorn and tickles. This morning a doughnut date, just the two of us. And lots of conversation. Which is the best part in my opinion. I love hearing…

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