My Perception of Gratitude has Changed
Gratitude.
Oh sweet boy how I have it for you, and in some ways, your autism.
Not the parts where I see you struggle, because that is heartbreaking for any parent to watch.
But your autism has also led to so many beautiful things, so many lessons.
You taught me that love needs no words. That communication can be navigated in a variety of ways and that there is no perfect or right way. You are always communicating..every hour, that I just needed to pay close attention. The way you use a specific script from a tv show or you tube clip to help me understand your emotions in the moment.
The way you write everything down..your wants, your needs..or even when you clearly don’t want something…you have the funniest ways of saying no…like that time you didn’t want a bowl for your cookies.
It’s in your body language..the way you stay close because I’m your safe place, the way you stim repeatedly when you’re nervous and the way you hold my hand when you know I’m having a hard day.
Today, we have more words and even phrases than I can count.
And because we didn’t have them for so long..because we watched you lose all your words..be completely nonverbal..when I hear them, they are that much sweeter.
“Mommy”
“Daddy”
“Sissy, Lilli”
“Brother, Landon”
You are well aware of our presence now and request it often.
In fact your engagement has reached such an all time high that you now say things like…
“I need show you something”
“Come here”
“Hold on, watch”
“Mommy, mom, mom….”
“Mommy, spell with me”
And my personal favorite..
“I got an idea”
Which you always do…in those moments I truly realize how brave, intelligent, and innovative you are.
Those are the moments where I truly get to see the world through your eyes…where you make me look closer, listen to what you’re not saying.
I know to dig deeper and to pay attention to details because the engagement and joint attention you show now is an invitation into your world, and I love when you share it with me.
In every hard moment with you, there is a lesson in patience and forgiveness that you give me.
I learn every day more of what you need from me, how in the beginning you need me to be calm and still, to give you breaks, to let you process things. I now know when to you give you space and when I can come back to you again.
Some days it’s like a beautiful dance we do together, taking turns on who is leading. I follow yours often because I want you to feel safe and loved in the times life is so overwhelming.
Sometimes life with you is loud, crazy, chaotic.But it has helped appreciate the quiet, something I’m not sure I really had much gratitude for before.
Your journey has led me to the best friends and the most wonderful people.
It’s led me to my purpose of helping others and “journaling my feelings”. I didn’t even know I could write until I started sharing stories about our world.
It taught me that I am strong, resilient, and that whatever life throws at me I can handle.
Because I know these hardships, it makes “finding the joy that much easier for me.”
I know to be grateful for the simplest things in life, some that many wouldn’t even think of.
When someone asks me what I’m grateful for, my list would look like this:
A good nights sleep for myself and my child.
My child that eats a variety of food or eats at all.
My child’s voice, the ability to know what he is thinking.
A trip out as a family, a successful visit to the store.
My potty trained child.
That my child is now starting to understand holidays.
My child can dress himself and feed himself.
My child can read, write, count and spell.
My child wants affection and gives it.
My child wants to play with us, he knows us.
My child can tell me he loves me.
My child that engages and plays.
I know now, not everyone gets those things in life.
And I’m so grateful for..
The ones who understand.
The ones that are kind.
The ones that have helped us along the way.
Of course I’m grateful for the things you probably are too..
But my list has grown exponentially through the years of special needs parenting.
My perception of gratitude has changed which sometimes is what I’m most grateful for.
It’s easier to wake up with a grateful heart when your list is so long.
Written by, Sheryl St.Aubin
My name is Sheryl St. Aubin. My family resides in sunny, Florida. I have been married to my husband, Matt for fourteen years and I’m a Mama Bird to three beautiful, socially unique, children. While juggling this crazy life, I homeschool my youngest son (although I’m the one learning from him), and blog/write at Three Little Birds-Raising Kids On The Autism Spectrum (FB). I attempt to be a tour guide for other parents by sharing our story and trying to raise awareness for our community. My writing has been featured on Finding Cooper’s Voice, Filter Free Parents, Her View From Home and Love What Matters. You can follow our journey on Instagram: threelittlebirds321 or n Facebook at Three Little Birds – Raising Kids on the Autism Spectrum.
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