Archive for December 2020
19 weeks
Truth time. I’ve been sad this pregnancy, which isn’t an emotion I’m used too. Happy, angry, exhausted, motivated, hungry…yes. Those emotions I know well. (Is hungry an emotion? I say yes because I feel that shit in my soul.) But sad…almost never. Especially not during any of my prior pregnancies. I am a glass half full kind of girl. A find the joy, focus on the positive person. So it’s been a tough go this last 19 weeks. I feel like a stranger in my own body most days. Like…
Read MorePerspective from an Autism Uncle
I remember my Godson Zachary’s first birthday after his severe, nonverbal autism and apraxia diagnosis. I remember it clearly. I bought him this Ninja Turtles hat, knowing he hated hats but I thought how that was the one he was going to love. Spoiler alert, he didn’t. I think everyone in Zachary’s village has had this kind of moment over the years…which is fine and mostly harmless…but this doesn’t do him any favors. I think about that moment often. I don’t remember ever discussing the hat any further but I…
Read MoreSpecial Needs Siblings are a Gift to the World
Last night, a cashier at Target brought me to tears. He was probably about 17 years old, the same age as Liz’s big brother. When we pulled up to the checkout lane, he asked Liz if she wanted a sticker. She shook her head no, as she always does in answer to that question. He then asked her what she wanted for Christmas. I politely said that she is nonverbal and mentioned a few of the things that she might like for Christmas. He didn’t miss a beat and went…
Read MoreDifferent Isn’t Scary
Parent: I wish my autistic child could talk to me. Parent: I wish my child with autism could communicate with me. Parent: I wish I knew what my nonverbal child was thinking. Parent: I wish I knew what my child loved. Child: Listen and I will show you in the most mysterious ways. Be prepared to wait. And to listen to more than just words. My son Cooper has started taking photos with his iPad. Hundreds and hundreds a day. I know because the iPad is linked to my iPhone…
Read MoreThe Scary Parts of Honesty and Social Media
Sometimes social media makes me feel bad. Specifically Instagram. Don’t get me wrong. I love seeing adorable kids, beautiful homes, and flawless faces…but…sometimes I feel a little less than perfect. Just last night I searched the hashtag #19weekspregnant and was hoping to see baby bumps that looked like mine. I saw perfectly toned and tan women in crop tops with six packs. That’s not me. And as much as I want my 37 year old, mother of 3 body, to be perfect, right now it’s packing on weight like a…
Read MoreThe Perfect Christmas Ornament
The most beautiful ornaments are the ones that were never meant to be an ornament. Looking back we always had big family Christmas celebrations with my husband’s family, celebrating what was and is really important…having a family that loves you for who you are. My husband’s family have always been our biggest supporters, our voice when we were unable to speak, and our spine when we felt like falling. They never saw us as the family with the broken kids but as the family who was theirs and kept doing…
Read MoreChristmas is Changing
When I dreamt of Christmas with my daughter, I pictured so many things. Simple things really. Christmas movies, Christmas shopping, hot chocolate after ice skating. Sure, we can do those things but gosh they are hard or there is almost always a fall out. The timing of the fallout has changed over the years. I would like to think it is learning to tolerate the outside world or maybe its age. Christmas isn’t typically a joyful time of year around here. Christmas in general is loud and busy. Two things…
Read MoreLearning, Growing and Embracing
Last weekend I was driving myself and my three sons home from my mom’s house in Wisconsin. We had just celebrated Christmas and my SUV was packed to the brim with toys, leftovers, and love. The sky was dark as I navigated the backroads I’ve driven home for 30-some years. I remember being a little girl and dozing as my parent’s car bounced over the same bumpy roads. Only this time I was the parent, and I had two sleeping boys in the seat behind me, and one more awake…
Read MoreBrotherly Love
Last night, Sawyer had a tough time. He was overtired and overstimulated and the day just got too long for him. Christmas can be hard for little ones. When he gets like that, he doesn’t know what to do with himself. Instead of going to bed, he sat angrily in his room and yelled at anyone who dared to enter. It’s best to just let him cool off. Cooper was so confused as to why his brother wasn’t coming to bed with him though. He doesn’t understand Sawyer’s complicated emotions…
Read MoreWe are the Lucky Ones
This morning, after all the presents were opened, and the egg bake was in the oven, I sat down to drink my luke warm coffee and peek at social media. I came across a message from a women I didn’t know. She sent me a poem by Erma Bombeck. One I had read many times before. But I found myself blubbering into my coffee anyways. Huge crocodile tears running down my face. Her words came to me exactly when I needed them. And they went straight to my heart. My…
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