Archive for June 2020
I Hope You Know
My sweet girl, You have no idea how much I love you. But the truth is, I don’t yet know how much you love me either. We are a mommy and daughter communicating in different languages and I am still desperately trying to learn yours. You don’t hug or kiss me yet, but that’s okay. I just want to know…. Do you feel loved when I hug and kiss you? When I smile and tickle you? When I sit and try to play with you? When I sing for you…
Read MoreRemember Today
Dear Mama, Do me a favor, and remember every detail of this day—all of the words, sights, and sounds. Remember the tone of the doctor’s voice, and the way the receptionist smiled. Remember the way your heart hammered in your ribcage when you first heard the sentence. We believe it is Autism Spectrum Disorder. It was raining the day my son Jack was diagnosed. The doctor was very gentle, and kind. He watched Jack whirl and spin around the small room and collapse in tears when he bumped his shin…
Read MoreWe’re Still Blaming Mothers
In the 1950s, it was “refrigerator mother” syndrome. Autism, they said, was the result of a mother’s relational coolness. Today, it’s “toxic mother” syndrome. Autism, they say, is the result of a mother’s toxic burden. I spoke with a homeopath over Skype this week. As I started to tell her a little about my eight-year-old son, who has nonverbal autism, she interrupted me. “You’ve got a face full of acne, eh?” I just stared at the computer screen. “Eh?” she repeated, gesturing to her own face. “Right,” I admitted. “And…
Read MoreFifteen Years of Autism Awareness
I approached this last Autism Awareness Month differently than I have in the past. Somehow, it’s not mine anymore…It’s hers. Don’t get me wrong, I will continue to fight for my daughter, Lizzie, every day, and I will openly share about our lives to help others understand the dire unmet needs of our community. But, experiencing autism for over fifteen years has allowed my emotions to stabilize and a different perspective to set in. This is how my Autism Awareness Day has changed over the years: It has only been…
Read MoreIs My Son Happy?
‘Everyone has a different idea of what happiness looks like.’ Is my son happy? I think about that a lot. As do many parents of children who struggle to communicate. Who can’t show us. For a lot of years I honestly didn’t know the answer to that question. At age five my son didn’t laugh or smile much. He didn’t enjoy leaving our house. At home, he isolated himself a lot. He didn’t play or interact really. He was full of anxiety, only we didn’t know because anytime we asked…
Read MoreSocial Distancing With Autism
I’m getting a tiny chuckle (with love of course) at the people panicking about social distancing. We have been social distancing for nine years. Not by choice of course. No one told us we had to do it. It more happened out of necessity. Because of autism. When someone in your family doesn’t understand the world we live in and the world doesn’t understand him or her in return…well, you stay home more often than not. Because home is safe. You learn to social isolate real fast. See, my sweet…
Read MoreFrom Non-Verbal to Verbal
I decided to take a much needed nap yesterday while my baby slept. You know that old saying…sleep when the baby sleeps? I was practicing that. For the first time in ages. Because my baby, well, he is giving me a run for my money in the sleep department. I thought my older son was a bad sleeper? Ha. The newest Swenson says, ‘watch this.’ Anyhow, I slept for two glorious hours. And I woke up to the most beautiful sound. One I had never heard before. One I had only…
Read MoreNever Give Up
It’s funny how life seems to happen. And sometimes in the most bizarre ways. For nine years you social isolate, so much in fact, you almost forget how to socialize. You know you can’t go to Walmart, or candy stores or parks or even walk down the street safely. If there are crowds or lines or loud sounds it ain’t happening. So, you adjust. You figure it out. You learn to live and keep going. Then, suddenly, it seems to get easier. Not overnight. Far from it really. Instead after…
Read MoreWe’re On An Adventure
I can’t tell you the last spontaneous thing we have done as a family. I reckon it’s been eight years. Trips and outings are planned meticulously to help our kiddo be successful. But, well, when you realize you forgot his favorite paper to stim on, and you need to get out of the house so you don’t all lose your minds…you take a trip to town. (That’s what you say when you live in the country…you go to town!) You risk it. We are doing it. We couldn’t have even dared…
Read MoreI Hope Kids Can Be Kind
“He talks like a baby!” The young boy shouted excitedly to his friends. “Baby, baby, little baby!” The boy was inches from my sons face as he taunted him. His buddies all laughed. My son, just wanting to be part of the fun and play on the playground with these young boys, innocently smiled back at him. He didn’t realize he was the object of ridicule. He was simply happy that they were including him. What those boys didn’t know is that just the week before, my son said his…
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