What I Want for my Child

It is easy to get caught up in the monotony of the everyday struggles. The therapies, the meltdowns, sensory issues, working on simple tasks like dressing and potty training while other kids my daughter’s age are going to dance class and mastering writing. It may seem that my daughter is missing out, that our family is missing out on so many things life has to offer, and sometimes that is true. When I start to feel overwhelmed or a little sad about what I’m not able to do I stop…

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I Love Holding Your Hand Mama

‘Sawyer, hold onto your brother on the dock.’ I was climbing out of the boat, holding a baby, a pop and two bags. Sawyer and Cooper were out long before me and were headed towards our truck. Which, in most cases wouldn’t be a big deal. But in our world, it is. We have to be very, very careful. Cooper, our son with autism, is a runner. He bolts, he drops, he flops, he runs, and he sits. And rarely does he walk in a straight line. He also typically…

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Dear Family, Friends, and Even Strangers

Thank you. Thank you for pouring positivity into my life. Thank you for the kind words. Thank you for trying to supply me with hope. On my days when I post, comment, or even mention in conversation how I long for normalcy and desire making memories often associated with raising children, I know you mean well when you reply stating how happy my son is and offer the encouraging words of “Don’t worry about what others do! Just enjoy making memories and special moments with your little family!” I know…

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What about you Baby Girl?

I tell myself the mom guilt gets easier. I mean, he’s only three. Every night I lay my head down and I know I’ve done right by your brother, but what about you? How many times were you looking for attention only to be told, “One minute baby”. We both knew it wouldn’t be a minute and away you went. It’s that mom guilt at night that punches me in the stomach. Did you get enough attention today? No, we’ll have to grab your best friend tomorrow and head to…

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Sometimes I Just Wish…

This morning I was driving my six year old to vacation bible camp. It is his third day. As we were driving he was telling me everything they’ve done so far. ‘We sing songs mama. My favorite one is called Bubbles.’ ‘We play games. And eat lunch. Yesterday, I gave part of my lunch to a boy that forgot his and Ms. Amy gave me Funyons. It was AMAZING.’ I peeked in the rearview mirror at him. He was wearing a hat that made him look 16 years old. He…

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I can’t do it anymore…

“I can’t do it anymore.” I’ve said this more times this last month that I’ve lost count. I’ve said it in my head. I’ve said it to my husband Adam, and to friends. I’ve even said it out loud sitting next to the most beautiful little innocent soul. I’m not perfect. I am no where near it. I say and feel things I shouldn’t. I get angry. I yell. I cry. I get frustrated. And at times I think others have it better, or easier. I crumble every single day.…

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You haven’t Failed

It’s almost time for Parent-Teacher conferences. If you’re like me, when the teacher speaks about those areas that need improvement, it can feel as if you’re the one being assessed. I remember meeting with my oldest child’s kindergarten teacher several years ago. When she handed me the progress report, I immediately noticed one thing. Well, one letter – N. For Needs improvement. There it was beside Ties shoelaces independently. “I’m the one who needs improvement,” I thought. “I haven’t taught her how to tie her shoes! I’ve failed her.” It…

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I Never Knew Being a Mother Would be so Hard for Me

I always wanted to be a mom. Heck, I think I played babies and house until I was a tween. After that it was babysitting. And then working with kids in college. Thankfully, I was blessed with three beautiful boys. They are loud, wild, healthy and each perfectly exhausting in their own way. I am the lucky one. I know that. But three kids is a lot. Working, running a house, a baby, breastfeeding, cooking, cleaning, and so on. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love being a mom.…

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The Other Side of the Table

I am no stranger to the IEP process that’s for sure. I just finished my 12th year as a special education teacher in a small town in the thumb of Michigan and I absolutely love my job. I’ve known I wanted to be a special education teacher since my junior year of high school and I pride myself in always trying my absolute best to put the students first and try to create great relationships with my students’ parents. I can’t tell you how many IEP meetings I have run…

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Costco shooting: Man killed by off-duty officer had an intellectual disability, cousin says

On Friday night, a 32-year-old man was shot and killed by an off-duty officer in a Costco store in Corona. When I saw it on the news on Saturday morning I held my breath like I do with every shooting that makes the news. And I wait. I wait for them to say one of the parties has an intellectual disability. This time it was true. The man killed, Kenneth French, was nonverbal and had an intellectual disability, according to a family member. Last night, I sat watching my son Cooper…

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