Archive for April 2019
He Understands A Smile
We’ve known Lennon has autism for quite some time now, but the medical diagnosis came more recently. He is 30 months old now, a 2 1/2 year old aptly nicknamed “Baby Giant.” What that diagnosis came with were the parameters in which he fell. Nothing was where it should be, even his gross motor skills which we (his father and I) believed to be stellar. In most categories he fell in the 9 – 18 month range. Expected. Receptive comprehension was another story. There he was at (or under) the…
Read MoreIt’s Like He is in His Own Little World
Being in a new place – with new surroundings, new people, new sounds, new lights, new everything – can be trying for any child. However, for my Jack it’s A LOT. It’s a challenge and something we all have to work hard towards together as a family. But we do it. We want to. Albeit a lot easier, we don’t want to always stay in our comfort zone of home. When the environment gets to be too much for Jack, he stims a lot more (in his case, jumping and…
Read MoreIf I Let Myself Wonder Why
Sometimes I wonder why. I would be lying to you if I said I never wondered why. Why our family? Why me? Why my son? Why him? We are nothing special. We aren’t any stronger than anyone else. We aren’t super parents. I don’t know if God chose us. Or if special kids are given to special people. Or if we have Cooper because we are strong enough to handle the challenges that come with him. I don’t feel like that stuff is true. Not really. I think that’s just…
Read MoreA Letter to My Boy on His Birthday
Dear son, On the eve of your 4th Birthday, I want you to know that you are loved beyond measure plus infinity forever. Autism has nothing to do with the fact that I am blessed to be your Mama. The love and joy that you have brought to my life is beyond anything I could ever have imagined. You make me smile EVERY single day. When I saw you for the first time, I couldn’t believe how beautiful and perfect you were, and I feel the same way today. You…
Read MoreAutism Defeated Me Today
Autism you won. It was one of those days. A day you felt like a dump truck has repeatedly hit you over and over again. Tears that continue to flow. Nothing is stopping them. I am hurting. I am hurting because I can’t figure out what is making my son so frustrated. I can’t figure out what is causing his meltdowns. Autism is hard. There is no sugar coating it. It hit me extremely hard today. I just became so overwhelmed with emotions today. The feeling of my anxiety taking…
Read MoreThe Questions I Would Ask You
Sometimes, I let myself dream about you talking Cooper. I’ll be honest, it’s less and less lately. And not for sad reasons. Don’t think that for a second. But because you are communicating so well with your speech device. That’s our focus. As long as you can tell us if you are thirsty, or hungry, or if something hurts, then I am good. I care about your needs sweet boy. I need those met. I need to know that you lack for nothing. And I need you happy. Above all.…
Read MoreTo the Dads who are Superheros without Capes
It is time we appreciate the underappreciated and uncelebrated dads who make up half of special needs parenting. It is part of our culture to glorify motherhood whereas the struggles of a father are seldom talked about. Special needs fatherhood can be especially lonely. They often don’t have a support system and men in our society are often discouraged to show the vulnerable side of their personality. These are the men who work twice as hard, who make difficult decisions for the sake of their families. Who are mocked and…
Read MoreSing me a Lullaby Mama
Our almost 6 year old nonverbal wonder has been having a tough time recently. In short ongoing seizures. With numerous visits to doctors and hospitals anxiety runs high in our household. For any family a visit to see any medical professional is daunting but for families of special needs children the experience takes on a whole new set of challenges; busy waiting rooms, loud noises, bright lights, clinical hard surroundings and long queues! These environments take a toil on everyone. Added to this is a child with autism’s unique expressive…
Read MoreAutism isn’t a Scary Word
Someone I know is dying. Someone who is in my life. She has a spouse. And kids. Grandkids. A sibling. A home. Friends. Hobbies. Faith. A life. A very full life. She is a beautiful person with a beautiful soul. She found out a year ago that she has cancer. I remember when she told me. I didn’t think it was a big deal. Probably because she is such a good person. Bad things don’t happen to good people. So happy. So optimistic. I knew cancer was bad. But she…
Read MoreThe School is on Lockdown
My son’s teacher sent me a beautiful picture of my son with his classmates outside and enjoying the day a few minutes before I headed to pick him up. They had an egg hunt today at school and colored Easter eggs. Upon arrival, I was greeted by a police officer telling me that my son could not leave the building. (Special Needs pick up is 30 minutes prior to school letting out) I was hysterical. He said I could sit in the lobby or wait in my car and explained…
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