To Have a Brother, But Feel Like an Only Child

My mom said something to me that I often think to myself:

“I wish Colin would play with Finn.  It makes me sad for Finn because I know he would love it if Colin played with him.  It makes me sad for Colin, too.”

I think this all the time. I’ve written about it before, but the thought is always there, so I’m writing about it again.

I have two sons.  They are a year apart…built-in playmate, right?

Nope.  Not for my boys.

They might wrestle or rough-house with each other.  They will hug, kiss, and cuddle each other as much as two wild little boys will do…but to play together?

It just doesn’t happen.

Colin might play next to his brother, but never really with his brother.

I don’t know that you can truly grasp the sadness in that statement unless you see it in your own children.

To have a brother, but not a playmate.

To have a brother, but not a friend.

To have a brother, but feel like an only child.

Don’t get me wrong, my sons love each other.  They have a very special bond that only brothers can share.  Colin looks up to Finley, and Finley looks out for Colin.  Finn will even tell people that Colin is his best friend.

Colin will gravitate to Finley in a group setting every single time.

After my mom said that, I felt sad for a minute, as I always do when I think about it.  Then I found the happy in the situation:

At least Finley has a brother.

We thought we would never have any kids.  Then we had Finley after a year of fertility treatments.  The likelihood that he would be an only child was very high.

Then God surprised us with Colin. Their relationship might not be the “typical” brother-brother relationship, but it’s theirs.

I love that they love each other…I just wish they could play together.

I hope that, one day, they will.

Written by, Deidra Darst

My name is Deidra and I am a speech language pathologist and my husband is a programmer. We have a 3 year old named Collin who just received his autism diagnosis. We also have a 4 year old son named Finley. We love Disney. We also have a small hobby farm with about 60 ducks and chickens. You can follow our journey at theslpmom.com.

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This post originally appeared on The SLP Mom.

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Finding Cooper's Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you're never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village....all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to my page!

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