Living With a Child Who Has Anxiety

New Video! I know, it’s been a while. I want to talk about living with a child who has anxiety, rigidity and unsafe behaviors. What that feels like for the parents. And how it controls everything. Imagine having a person in your home who’s hyper focused on unsafe behaviors. Who doesn’t understand social norms. Who can’t hit reset when you tell them to stop. Their behaviors are relentless. They don’t take a break. They are hyper-focused. They want to escape from your home. If you turn your back for a…

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The Silence Can Be Deafening

There are times when the silence is deafening. When the lack of speech and two-way conversation fills up a car so loudly you feel like screaming. Seven years. Almost eight. Think of all the conversations we should have had. All the questions he should have asked me. I should know his favorite color. And animal. He should be talking my ear off. And asking me nonstop questions. It should be one more drink of water before bed. Or one more story. I should be praying for quiet. For just one…

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We Choose Joy, But That Doesn’t Mean It Isn’t Hard

This morning Jamie and I sat on the loveseat together at 7 am drinking our coffee. Side by side. We were smooshed in. Cooper had the other couch to himself. He sat dead in the center with his treasures spread out around him. On one side were photos. To us they appear random. To him they are everything. On the other side meticulously arranged is a flyer for a local realty place, a Barney DVD case, a Pet the Cat book and the DVD, Blue Mountain Mystery. Jamie and I…

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Adjusting to Having a Child in Residential Treatment

This is a follow up post to ‘Let’s Talk About Residential Treatment.’ Margaret shares their families experience with making the agonizing decision to place their son in Residential Treatment. I never thought residential would be easy. It’s a whole different kind of roller coaster or maybe the power tower. The up. The down. Surprisingly, I find myself enjoying the “easy” parts. The day to day with just the two other boys, going to my sons baseball games, going out to eat and running errands. I can tell my body and…

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My Son Doesn’t Have A Special Talent

We had our son Cody’s transitional IEP meeting today. We talked about the program Cody will be attending after High School and if it will be a good fit for him. As we went around the table everyone introducing themselves, I found myself torn with emotion. Here I sit with the teachers, coordinators, OT, speech pathologist, and caseworkers who all were instrumental in helping Cody get where he is today. And it seems with every IEP meeting I always ask myself the same questions. ‘Am I doing the right thing?’…

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The Day I Will Never Forget

It was a beautiful Wednesday June 7, 2017 day. Extremely sunny and warm. Our son Kash was in a great mood. My husband and I were not. We were on edge that day. We were headed to get Kash’s evaluation to see if he was on the autism spectrum. Adam was trying his best to cheer me up, but in the end I couldn’t cheer up. No parent ever wants to go through wondering if your child could be on the spectrum. We arrived and got him all checked in.…

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Are You Going To Try For A Girl?

‘Are you going to try for a girl after this one?’ I have been getting that question almost daily lately. I get it. People wonder when they find out that you are having your third boy. And in no way am I offended. I am a big enough person to admit it. I would love a daughter. Of course. My mind immediately goes to pink tu-tu’s, gymnastics, prom, and being the mother-of-the-bride. My world right now is mud, dirt, Nerf Guns, Legos and poop. Yes, poop. It’s wonderful and amazing.…

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Autism Dads: The Men Behind the Scenes

I have talked a lot about how lonely this life is. About how isolated I feel. About how no one I know, gets it. I’m not sure when it happened, but one day recently, I told that selfish voice to shut up. I lay down at night next to the one person in this world who gets it. Why does he get it? Because he is going through the exact same thing. When I met my husband, it wasn’t love at first sight. But once he finally convinced me to…

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What Would Cooper Want?

We met with Cooper’s social worker yesterday for another 6-month evaluation. If you follow our journey, you are probably noticing the uptick in medical appointments and evaluations. It seems to always work like that in our world. It is all or nothing. We will have a few quiet months and then boom. It feels like every day there is something. Evaluations are inevitable when you have a child with needs. We meet every three months for one area, every six months for another and bigger, more meaningful evaluations are yearly.…

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When Time Seems to Stand Still

I went for a walk tonight with my dogs. Like I try to do every night. It’s my sanity after long days. As I was walking I took note of four house being built down the road from mine. So much change. I let myself think about the house we moved into just a month ago and how I plan to live here the rest of my life. No joke. I’ve told Jamie he will have to carry my dead body out of here. I let myself think about our…

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