Tricking Dr. Google

I was chatting with a wonderful mom over at My Yellow Brick Road the other day about our autistic boys. Facebook messaging with her is so amazing for me. I can be honest and open and I don’t need to preface every sentence with, “I swear I’m not a bad mom” or “Don’t judge me.” It’s refreshing. And she gets it. I tend to be obsessive about Cooper. It’s kind of my thing. Pre diagnosis I would research everything. I googled things like, “nonverbal at age 3, nonverbal at age 4, my…

Read More

Waiting Around for Something to Change

Meal time has changed. It used to be the most dreaded part of our day. Not anymore! I don’t know what did it but Cooper is eating great, not throwing and also sitting with us during mealtime. LIFE CHANGING! And as quickly as one behavior gets better another gets worse. Meal time is better and now he has taken throwing to an all new level. Awesome. If I was to describe Cooper’s life to people I would say that ‘something’ is always off. I remember sitting with girlfriends or parents or…

Read More

The Difference a Year Makes

On Sunday we brought Cooper to see Thomas the Train. Good old Thomas makes a trip to Duluth once a year and it’s a huge day in Cooper’s world. It’s also the cutest thing ever. It’s held at the depot and kids actually get to go on a 20 minutes train ride. Last August when we went and saw Thomas, Cooper was 2.5 and he has just been (mis)diagnosed with a moderate hearing loss in both ears. He was very nonverbal at this point in his life. His breakthroughs didn’t really happen…

Read More

A Therapy Break

Cooper got kicked out of therapy. Yup, you read that right. I can spin this two ways for you. First, Cooper’s speech therapist decided that it would be best for Cooper to take a break. The sessions aren’t going well. Cooper hates it there…he loves his therapist…but he doesn’t want to do the stuff she’s doing…ever. It’s so frustrating. Trust me. I leave exhausted and sweaty and questioning everything we are doing. And also thinking, ‘is there ever a time where therapy is more detrimental than good???’ Part of me…

Read More

Walking the Fine Line of Hope and Giving Up

When Cooper was little and his quirks were just starting to show I silently blamed myself. I’d tell people I didn’t but I really did. I never believed the whole autism and vaccination correlation. Cooper was different since the day he was born. Deep down I knew right away. At that time I silently doubted everything I had done while pregnant. Maybe I ate the wrong things. For a hot minute I thought maybe I used too much bug spray or even used to much hand sanitizer. And then when…

Read More

Describing how Autism Affects our Family…in 4 Sentences or Less.

I have been working on this TEFRA paperwork for the last couple of days and there are a few questions that just suck. I am so sick of answering stuff like this. Describe how your child’s challenges affect your child and family. I read it and then reread it. The box for the answer could hold 4 sentences tops. What can I put in this freaking box that will make it make sense. And who is going to be reading this? Does the person know what it’s like to raise…

Read More

Autism Tricked Me

Prior to Cooper, and even up until a few months ago, I had very specific thoughts about autism. I am pretty sure I was using information from TV shows or from conversations with other people. I assumed all autistic kids had repetitive behaviors. That they all lined things up or spent time spinning wheels or pinwheels or anything round. I also assumed they were very highly intelligent. I also pictured a lot of self soothing or stimming. Most specifically, a lot of rocking back and forth. And I always thought…

Read More

Be a Warrier, Not a Worrier.

I typically avoid all situations where I will get sad about Cooper’s differences. At this stage in the process it’s a must  for this mama.  This typically includes any events or activities where there will be kids that I know that are Cooper’s age. Quitting ECFE and a local Mommy and Me group were two of the best decisions I ever made. My heart just couldn’t take it. So I was surprised yesterday when I almost broke down at Starbucks. I was at work and at 2 pm I realized that…

Read More